Checking Facts
Emotions don't always tell us the truth. The emotions we feel and the actions we take are often based on our thoughts and interpretations of things that happen. If we interpret the other driver's action as intentionally cutting us off, then we may get angry and defensive, possibly even resulting in road rage. However, if we knew that the sun had momentarily blinded him so that he didn't see our vehicle, we may be more understanding and compassionate. Same event. Two different emotions. One based on interpretations; the other on facts.
Check facts by asking:
What emotion do I want to change?
What is the prompting event?
What are my interpretations, thoughts, and assumptions about the event?
Am I assuming a threat?
What's the catastrophe?
Does my emotion and/or its intensity fit the facts?
As far as I can tell, we can't ALWAYS know the actual facts. Unless we run down the man who cut us off, he's not going to be able to explain his actions. Sometimes, though, if we slow down our thoughts and emotions, we can think of possible reasons he may have cut us off that aren't based solely on him being a jerk or on his cell. Of course, if you could see he was on his cell phone, maybe a small amount of anger would be warranted -- but not an attack of road rage.
At least for me, fact checking is tough, because once I have formed an opinion, it's not easily swayed. Not a good characteristic, I know.
Check facts by asking:
What emotion do I want to change?
What is the prompting event?
What are my interpretations, thoughts, and assumptions about the event?
Am I assuming a threat?
What's the catastrophe?
Does my emotion and/or its intensity fit the facts?
As far as I can tell, we can't ALWAYS know the actual facts. Unless we run down the man who cut us off, he's not going to be able to explain his actions. Sometimes, though, if we slow down our thoughts and emotions, we can think of possible reasons he may have cut us off that aren't based solely on him being a jerk or on his cell. Of course, if you could see he was on his cell phone, maybe a small amount of anger would be warranted -- but not an attack of road rage.
At least for me, fact checking is tough, because once I have formed an opinion, it's not easily swayed. Not a good characteristic, I know.