Today has been a day filled with emotions. By today, I guess I really mean the past 24 hours because this started yesterday evening. I got overwhelmed with everything and couldn't quite pull my skills together, and I ended up falling back on bad coping skills to get through the night. Today, I'm hot and cranky, and I feel bad that I relied on self-harm to get through a wave of overwhelming emotions. I thought about calling my therapist, but it would have only been to leave a message, and it was nearly midnight and I'm always afraid that she will have forgotten to turn her phone off and I'll wake her, so I've never tried calling her to leave a message in the middle of the night. During the day or early evening, I know that just by leaving a message that I'm struggling with cutting, it will keep me from doing it until I hear back from her, even if it takes a while. Just the act of placing the call, listening to her message, and telling her that I want to cut but won't until I talk to her helps.
Right now I pretty much feel like a loser. Deservedly so, I'm sure. I really need to practice harder to implement the good skills I have been learning instead of falling back on the ones that hurt me in the long run.
So, today was an epic fail. I certainly hope tomorrow is better. I have DBT group tomorrow night; maybe I'll see what they have to offer in the way of guidance.
Purple Pizzazz
Right now I pretty much feel like a loser. Deservedly so, I'm sure. I really need to practice harder to implement the good skills I have been learning instead of falling back on the ones that hurt me in the long run.
So, today was an epic fail. I certainly hope tomorrow is better. I have DBT group tomorrow night; maybe I'll see what they have to offer in the way of guidance.
Purple Pizzazz