I feel calmer today after the past few days of agonizing over radical acceptance. I think I just needed to see that some things can be accepted by looking at a couple of pretty simplistic situations. I also need to realize that some things might never reach radical acceptance level. Torturing myself because I can't radically accept some major things in my life is only making them MORE painful right now.
I'm still not sure how you can accept something without agreeing with it, but that's probably another discussion for a different day. Suffice it to say I'm not as wildly frustrated today, and that's a good thing. No, it hasn't gone away, it's just not tormenting me to the degree it has for the past few days. Thank goodness, because I was getting totally worn out. Purple Pizzazz I think I need to step back and take baby steps towards radical acceptance. I've been trying to radically accept the worst things that have happened to me in 49 years of living. Not the person who habitually irritates me with an annoying habit. Not the fact that lot rent is going to go up, because it always does. I've been tackling real life and death stuff -- and death was winning.
So I know I need to deal with the really big stuff too, I just don't think that's the wisest place to begin. I've been feeling so defeated, that I was never going to succeed. I still don't think it's an easy process, but radically accepting that a friend of mine is going to do the same stupidly-annoying thing on a regular basis is far easier than radically accepting the loss of someone very close. Purple Pizzazz First you climbed up the tree to a platform, about 2 ft. x 3 ft. in size and about 15-20 ft. in the air. You straddled the 2x4 that was balancing in a loop at the end of the rope -- yes the board did occasionally come out and plummet to the ground. Then you leaned way back and pushed off to your left and away you went. This was an absolute blast -- after about the second or third time. The first time was intimidating -- you want me to do WHAT? I can't do that! What if I fall? What if I let go of the rope? What if, what if, what if? Just push yourself off and let yourself go. It's fun!!! Boy, from my vantage point the first time, fun did not seem like a logical conclusion. The first time was far from fun. I was terrified. After much threatening and encouraging, I finally took the plunge. The first few seconds were unbelievably horrible, then the rush of excitement took over, and wow! It was awesome!
So is letting go of the hurts that are overwhelming me the same? Is it terrifying and painful at first and then worth it in the long run? I don't know. I just know I'm not ready to find out. I want to stop hurting, I just don't want to let go. One major piece of Distress Tolerance is Radical Acceptance. It is currently kicking my tail! I don't know how to "radically accept" the things in my life that hurt so much they feel like an elephant on my chest. What I want is for the pain to go away, not to accept that it just is. I can't wrap my head around that. I've been told that radical acceptance makes the distress easier to tolerate. I just can't figure out how that works. In part it feels like giving up. In part it feels like saying, "this is OK." It's not OK!
There's an underlying feeling of minimizing the loss by accepting it. I know that's not supposed to be the point, I just don't know how else to view it. I'm currently really struggling with this, and I feel like I'm failing to grow by implementing the skills outlined in DBT. I really do want to get better; I guess I just wish it wasn't so hard! So this blog may tend to be a place to vent (aka rant) while I work my way through some of these skills. Writing out my feelings helps me...Eventually. Purple Pizzazz I just launched my new DBT website today, and I hope to keep up a blog here as well. This is a journey about me -- self serving -- that might also benefit others. The only one it has to benefit, though, is me. If you find yourself here and something speaks to you, please feel free to use it. I'd love for you to post a comment if that happens. While it's about me, I would love to know if anyone else benefits from it.
Life has had many bumps, blips, and major crashes. Along the way, I've spent a lot of really unhappy years. I'm tired of being unhappy, so I'm trying to change. Change is H-A-R-D hard! Five months ago I joined a DBT therapy group and have been learning skills to live better. That's what my website is about. I think it's helping, though it's far from miraculous. I like instant fixes, and this is not that. Still, I encourage you to give it a try if you're tired of life hurting all the time. Along the way, I plan to post my epiphanies, thoughts, hurts, insights, and anything else that comes up. I don't really want to share my identity with the world, so you can just call me... Purple Pizzazz |
Just call me Purple PizzazzI am in the middle of a DBT therapy group and want to share what I'm learning and also store everything I'm learning in one convenient place for my own reference. ArchivesCategories |